Have you considered that you may be considering a "pass" only in terms of conquest?
Some things cannot be beaten. Some events will transpire even under the best of all circumstances. A pass in such a case would not be to ensure that this did not occur, but that you continue to conduct yourself accordingly in spite of this.
[ Warriorhead is not used to recruits asking him questions without supplying him with data first. Then he reminds himself that he is not talking to an Orange, and forgives Sasuke for not being on the best team. ]
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
Stability that is shaken by what? Stability that is threatened under what circumstances and responds in what way?
[He's vague, the program's vague... Honestly he'd rather not go into his mental problems, but then he's the one that brought it up in the first place.]
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
I don't know.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
You all have my files, right? I had some issues before, but I've gotten better.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
One of the past leaders of my village said that my clan feels too strongly. It affects the way our eye techniques change and also our mental state.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
So I guess it's stability shaken by loss, and in my case also insecurity in regards to my strength compared to those who are most important to me.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
But I'm not like that anymore. I've gotten better.
I do not require you to justify your experiences or challenges. The specifics vary from individual to individual, but no person is without. You are no exception.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
Though I suppose this would be a good opportunity to tell you that you are reacting with that insecurity now.
What would happen, Uchiha Sasuke, if you could not conquer the emotions experienced by loss? What would happen if your strength was not equal to those close to you?
The only person from my world equal to me in strength isn't here. Other worlds go by different rules and I'm not looking to match my power with anyone else's.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
And I have conquered those. If I hadn't, I would understand this training more.
If, as you say, the cause is the depth of your clan's capacity to feel, then it sounds reasonable for the Black Box to provoke you in every possible avenue.
No one reacts positively to their own sense of failure. But some benefit by becoming desensitized to it.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
You may never conquer your own insanity. But you may make peace with it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Day 83
You have experience with the black box. I need to ask you something.
no subject
You may ask.
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What do you do when there's no clear answer to how to get better?
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That presumes that your challenge possesses a solution.
no subject
It's possible that it doesn't?
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
How could I beat it, then?
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Some weaknesses cannot be overcome. They must simply be endured.
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Endured?
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
So I would never pass?
no subject
Have you considered that you may be considering a "pass" only in terms of conquest?
Some things cannot be beaten. Some events will transpire even under the best of all circumstances. A pass in such a case would not be to ensure that this did not occur, but that you continue to conduct yourself accordingly in spite of this.
no subject
I don't know if I can accept that this is something that can't be beaten.
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What was it you were unable to conquer?
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It has something to do with my own mental state.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
... I'm not crazy.
no subject
That is too vague for me to help you with.
What aspect of your mental state?
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I just told you.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
Its stability, I guess.
no subject
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
Stability that is shaken by what? Stability that is threatened under what circumstances and responds in what way?
no subject
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
I don't know.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
You all have my files, right? I had some issues before, but I've gotten better.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
One of the past leaders of my village said that my clan feels too strongly. It affects the way our eye techniques change and also our mental state.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
So I guess it's stability shaken by loss, and in my case also insecurity in regards to my strength compared to those who are most important to me.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
But I'm not like that anymore. I've gotten better.
no subject
I do not require you to justify your experiences or challenges. The specifics vary from individual to individual, but no person is without. You are no exception.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
Though I suppose this would be a good opportunity to tell you that you are reacting with that insecurity now.
What would happen, Uchiha Sasuke, if you could not conquer the emotions experienced by loss? What would happen if your strength was not equal to those close to you?
no subject
The only person from my world equal to me in strength isn't here. Other worlds go by different rules and I'm not looking to match my power with anyone else's.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
And I have conquered those. If I hadn't, I would understand this training more.
no subject
Some strengths are counted only in our acknowledgment, or acceptance of the facts. Not in what we may do in response.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
What did you see, in the Black Box?
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Lots of things. At first it was mostly issues from my past, but it's led into current concerns.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
They'd all seem unrelated sometimes, but then I'd see one leading into another.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
It's like it was picking through my brain for issues that bothered me and then testing my reaction - which was apparently never the right one.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
I've tried to follow hints, like it stopped mocking me with fake counseling sessions when I opened up to a friend.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
But I never pass. The scenario just alters.
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That does not sound like something to beat. That sounds like something to practice.
Perhaps like your Sharigan.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
Utilizing it once, twice, or even ten times does not mean you have mastered it, simply that you are able to access it when the need arises.
You've required a variety of different scenarios in order to master this technique, have you not?
no subject
Well, yeah.
[Mostly it requires a lot of trauma.]
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
Practice, though...
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
Practice reigning in my own insanity.
[He's grateful for this conversation, however it may seem.]
no subject
If, as you say, the cause is the depth of your clan's capacity to feel, then it sounds reasonable for the Black Box to provoke you in every possible avenue.
No one reacts positively to their own sense of failure. But some benefit by becoming desensitized to it.
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
You may never conquer your own insanity. But you may make peace with it.
no subject
And no one likes hearing that the major steps they've taken haven't really gotten them as far as they thought.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
You've given me a lot to think about.
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Perhaps. But the steps you have taken have gotten you further than you were to begin with, and that, whatever you might grade it as, is progress.
no subject
Yeah, I guess.
FROM: uchiha.sasuke@cdc.org
Sorry to bother you with this.
(no subject)